We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this just has baby written all over it
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
