you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
