I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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