we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
