Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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