The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
