It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
