i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
