What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
