sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
