Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
