Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
