hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
