Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
