Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
