She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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