After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
