TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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