saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
