If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
whose parrot is this?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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