thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
