we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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