Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
