Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
