she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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