Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
