***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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