plz talk dirty to me
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
3 2 1 whiskey
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
