Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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