Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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