Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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