THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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