Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
