my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
