I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
