Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
