Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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