Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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