found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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