hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
