why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
