my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need a beard to bite.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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