Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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