I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize