So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
