So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
