and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You were trust falling into bushes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
