she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
