You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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