but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
