get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A+ Viking dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
