In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
